SANE Forums

[BPDSurvivor]

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@BabyBear wrote:

@BPDSurvivor,

You have my empathy. What is it about Borderline that puts us naturally at the moderate to high-risk level?

I'm not opposed to the moderate risk rating I’m given. It has the function of making me feel safe & in turn, my family are happier.

Self-harm sees automatic ejection from the private hospital & involuntary admission into another. It must be difficult to be routinely admitted to the PICU.

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I'm not sure if being regularly admitted to PICU was a blessing in disguise. It sounds bad, but I have to remember:

1) If i wasn't put in PICU, I may not be alive today

2) All the admissions meant I was assigned a case manager.

Please note, I did NOT try to get admitted so many times so I could get a case manager. I know BPD holds the stigma that borderlines are 'attention seekers'. That's a myth.

So once I had a case manager (who was fortunately a psychologist), so many opportunities opened up. They were able to refer me to PARC whenever I needed, I could call psychiatric triage and all my notes were given to my case manager to follow up, I had house visits, CATT intervention when needed, and I pretty much had a therapy session every week, on top of my other therapist. 

I'm not going to complain about any of my BPD journey because I feel it has led me to where I am now. I feel I'm here for a reason.

Oh, i haven't even answered your question "What is it about Borderline that puts us naturally at the moderate to high-risk level?" For me, I felt that the emotional pain was so intense that risk was an outlet. Every emotional bump sent searing pain throughout the body. That's the only way I can explain it @BabyBear 

[tyme]

Heya @Little_Leopard ,

How are you going? I've missed our check-ins. Hope you are okay.

[BabyBear]

@BPDSurvivor,

Thank you for your complete and forthright response.

You are right. It is a searing, boundless emotional pain that befuddles the brain.

I'm glad that you received/receive the treatment that is necessary to decode BPD and live with being borderline.

I am also fortunate to have access to a suite of therapeutic modalities. Most valuable of all is almost immediate hospitalisation.

Having a treatment team that recognises the complexity and severity of my disorders

(CPTSD, BPD & Bipolar Disorder Type 1) is invaluable.

If you don't mind, I'd like to know what it is like in a PICU. How long are admissions, and what are the conditions like?

[BabyBear]

@BPDSurvivor & @tyme ,

I wanted to thank you both for your generous responses to my queries.

Moreover, I admire your devotion to the forum.

Cheers 

[tyme]

Thank you for your message above @BabyBear  - that was very heartfelt. 

[tyme]

How are you @BabyBear ??

[BabyBear]

@tyme

My mood is highly labile, and somatic memories stemming from horrific, complex PTSD are making life hard. Self-harm is also an issue - sometimes, distraction techniques fail. 

I am being hospitalised in mid September for three months so things will change moving forward. Well, things will not change. The way I deal with them will.

How are you fairing? 

[BabyBear]

@BPDSurvivor , 

How are you doing this week?

[tyme]

Yeah, hearing that it can be tiring @BabyBear . It's like this ongoing roller coaster of emotions.

I hope the hospital stay will be helpful. Is it a specialist clinic? or is it just an admission with general psychotherapy etc?

[BabyBear]

@tyme 

It is a specialist clinic. My leave will be virtually nonexistent for both escorted and unescorted leave.

Thank you. I hope to derive value from the programs.