I can’t cope

[AuntGlow]

It definitely sounds like there is a lot going on for you tonight @Captain24. Good on you for trying to implement a boundary whilst feeling so exhausted. I can understand why you'd be feeling drained... what would help you to feel most soothed and supported right now? 💛

[Captain24]

She stopped messaging me so maybe she got the message @AuntGlow.She wanted to organise her cousins and my cousins to dads birthday this year and keep it as a surprise. I told her he wouldn’t like it. I told dad and he said no. He just wants me and mum. But she just kept going so I told her to organise something herself later in the year. She was still going and I stopped responding. I don’t want to organise anything. It involves up to 60+ people.

I feel a little like I need some connection but with no pressure. Nobody wanting anything from me. 

[AuntGlow]

Family politics and expectations can be truly exhausting... you have done really well to create a balance here, where she will get the opportunity to host a birthday for him outside of the birthday you are creating for him. It seems like a win-win to me! You know what dad wants, so I think it's okay to remind her of your boundaries. @Captain24 

I get the need for easeful, no-pressure connection. I wonder what your friend is up to? The one from hospital? 💕

[rav3n]

@Captain24 ooo i've never thought of using condensed milk that sounds delicious! i definitely need to try that. 

thanks Cap! i do like getting my hair done... but i am a bit picky about where i get it done as i've had some awful experiences too. i got toner and a blow wave done, so my hair is a dark purple right now. i've naturally got black hair, so the dark purple isn't too obvious unless there's light or sun shining on me. how about you, do you like getting your hair done? do you dye your hair?

[Captain24]

Hey @rav3n 

A tinge of purple sounds nice actually. 

I hate getting my hair done. It takes at least 2 hours. I get blonde foils done. 

I was just talking to the hospital that I’m going to. They have cancelled the course I was going to do. They have put me in the next one but I can’t change the dates with leave from work. Plus the house sitters are going overseas. I don’t know what to do. Mum has just booked a holiday to go away so if I cancel my holidays I don’t have a dog sitter for while I’m at work. I can go and do the first stage again but I won’t get much out of it. I have a psych appointment at 1 so I’m going to ask her what I should do. I was really looking forward to it. 

Why do things never work out for me? It feels like everything always goes wrong. I just can’t catch a break. 

[rav3n]

@Captain24 blond foils sounds nice! but yep, it is loooong! whenever i've gotten balayages done, it's been a 2-3hr appointment, which i hate too. one time, i got it done at a new place and they took 5hrs to do my hair! they ended up really damaging my hair, never went back to them.

nooo that really sucks!! i'm so sorry to hear that Cap. you worked so hard on planning this out, it's really a shame they've cancelled that course - i really hope your psych can help you out too. i've got my fingers crossed that things will work out for you - we're here for you, sending you gentle hugs 💙

[Captain24]

My psych isn’t sure about me going as I don’t feel I need an inpatient stay at the moment. @rav3n. I will wait to see if the hospital ring me today with a plan but I don’t see there being one. 

I haven’t booked a next appointment with my psych as we don’t know if I’ll be away or not. 

She did suggest to just take the time off work anyway to have a break but is concerned that I wouldn’t do anything with my time off. 

I don’t know what to do or what to think. Every thing is up in the air and I don’t like it. I like to have plans. I like to know what is happening. I like things in order. 

This is really affecting my mood. I was doing well in general and I was doing well today with doing all my housework and other stuff. 

Im so confused as to what I should be feeling right now. I’m confused with what I’m feeling. 

I was going to organise lunch tomorrow with my bestie but I don’t have the capacity to take her drama on board. I need to look after myself and put myself first. While I’m feeling ok it could easily derail. As my psych put it my bucket of shit over flowed and I’ve cleaned up the over flow but my bucket is still full. 

[rav3n]

@Captain24 hopefully the hospital has a good plan to offer, even if you don't feel you need an inpatient stay, i guess it'll be nice to be given an alternative option to think about?

yep i feel similar with time off - it's definitely great for resting up... but if i don't have a plan, it can really mess up my mood and routine.

it's so fair to feel confused - it is confusing! the 'not knowing' can be anxiety-inducing, and i get that it'll be harder to spend time with your friend when you're worrying about this. good on you for prioritising you first. take your time to process it - maybe jotting down your options might help? sometimes when things feel all over the place, i like to plan it out and write a list of options down - that way it feels a like a lil less stuff is weighing on my mind.

[Captain24]

I can’t really plan anything until I hear from them. @rav3n. I don’t like it. It’s anxiety inducing! 

I’ve emailed you can you please have a look when you have time.

[rav3n]

ahh yep that wait is hard!! hopefully they get back to you asap @Captain24 do you have much else on this week? or you hoping to rest up till Friday?

and thanks again for your submission 💙