I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

Thats a lot!!  

Im sure you have read but this morning didn’t start out well and my dogs are still barking!!!! I’ve had enough of them. 

It’s been busy and now I’m tired and having some pretty bad thoughts. 

No.. it hasn’t been easy and I think I’ll go back to my own lane for a bit but at least I got out of it a little.

How has your day been??

[tyme]

Just want to say well done though 🙂 @Captain24 

You made the effort and that's whay counts.

I went to the chemist today to get travel vaccines. I took out $250 and thought that it would be more than enough... guess what? $498! For travel vaccines! 

So I've ordered them and will pick them up at the end of the week. They also said that I can't put them in my own fridge, so I have to pick them up and go straight to the doctors... 

When I've needed travel vaccines in the past, I never remember the costing so much!

I get to claim $200 back with my private health insurance though.

As for your 'bad' thoughts, remember, they are thoughts. There is space between the thought and the action which means you are in control. 

I know it takes a lot for you to work with these thoughts and I believe that you can do what's right for you.

I loved your new lego! Looks awesome!

Did I tell you my nephew was playing with my titanic and dropped it? Now I have to try and fix it and it's so hard!!!!

[Jynx]

@Captain24 can I just point out what an achievement this is after such an emotionally intense morning?

---

@Captain24 wrote:

Today I have cleaned the house, done the floors, been to a meeting, had lunch and done the front and backyards. 

I hadn’t had a shower since Tuesday and I had one before the meeting and I had another one including washing my hair after mowing. 

---

Amazing! 

It can be so tough sitting with intrusive thoughts. Try to gently remind yourself that thoughts aren't facts - sometimes I will even softly talk back to the thoughts and just say like 'Hey, can I get a break?' or 'That's a little mean, can we be kinder to me today?' 

Doesn't always work, but the fact that it works sometimes still makes it worth trying in my books. And sometimes all I get is a little reprieve, but even a little can go a long way.

My day's been okay, bit foggy-brained, so I'm trying to move a little slower. Got a nice mountain of dishes awaiting me after I finish so that's fun... not! 😭😝

[Captain24]

Wow.. that’s expensive! @tyme. At least you get some back. 

I bet picking up and going will be difficult. It’s pretty easy here as I go to the chemist in the building! 

That's a bugger about the titanic. I hope you can fix it without having to pull the whole thing apart and start again. 

I did 7 kits yesterday instead of mowing the lawn. I did that today though. 

I just found that f’ing cat from this morning! It was under my lounge. I got a broom to get it out and the dogs went off! It ran down and got under my bed and I couldn’t get it out. It was hissing at me and finally went to the window. I shoved it out my bedroom door and because it was running towards Pix she started screaming. Jett was going mental as he was scared and the cat was hissing. I finally got it outside and opened the gate and it took off! No wonder Jett has been barking at the lounge all day. The only reason I looked there was that Pix didn’t come for dinner and was standing there with her bristles up. 

I hate cats. Sorry @Jynx. The owner is obviously not a responsible cat owner as they haven’t even posted in the page that their cat was missing! It’s been out all night and all day!

Im just a little upset right about now. I didn’t need that debacle.

Im doing my best with them but when they take hold I struggle to find a way to let them go. 

Anything exciting today? 

[Captain24]

I just found that f’ing cat under the lounge. Explains why Jett has been barking all day!!! @Jynx 

I did get heaps done and it’s pretty impressive. 

I can give it a go. I don’t think being exhausted and stressed is helping. Plus the stupid cat thing that’s been going on all day. Constant barking. I’m really on edge plus a little shaken after that. Stupid thing hissing at me and running around the house. More screaming and barking from the dogs. It’s just gotten too much. 

Good to see you looking after yourself. If going slow is what you need then that’s what you do. Aarrgghh dishes… I just had two dishes that don’t go in the dishwasher but I actually did them instead of leaving them like I normally do!! 

[tyme]

Um... how and why is there a cat under your lounge @Captain24 ? I used to hate cats, but now I don't hate them - I can put up with them. Would I own one? Probably not.

[Captain24]

Sorry @tyme 

Jett went out this morning to go to the toilet. He started barking and it was a bark that I’ve never heard before. Pix rushed out too and started. I jumped up put my pj’s on and rushed out thinking someone was trying to get into my house. There was a cat under my outdoor table. It ran and tried to jump the fence and couldn’t get over it. Pix thought it was after her so she screamed, yes she screams when she is scared. I did see it run into the house but I thought it had come back out again. As I did a Quick Look around.  I was trying to quieten the dogs down as it was 6am! I thought it had just gone to the other side and jumped out. The dogs kept barking and carrying on so I tried to calm them. When I could finally catch Jett he was shaking and his little heart was racing. That ‘excitement’ could have killed Pix. I went inside and they both come back to bed with me. 

Jett has been barking at lounge all day and wouldn’t go near it. I thought the cat must have gotten on his toys and they smelt like it. I finally talked Jett into going to his toys. I haven’t been able to stop him all day. Pix has been pretty good for the day but after about 5pm she has been at the lounge too. She was behind it and I struggled to get her out. She was standing near it with her bristles up and wouldn’t come to dinner. That’s what made me look. The only part of my lounge that you can get under is where the recliners are. I didn’t think to look there until now. 

When I saw it come inside I searched everywhere but didn’t think to look under the recliner. 

Bonus.. Jett has finally stopped barking that bark that until today I have never heard. 

They are stilling running around the house as I guess it scared them and the place probably smells like cat to them. 

[tyme]

Yikes! I would've freaked out! @Captain24 

I'm surprised you didn't investigate further. But then again, it sounds like your dogs bark a far bit - even if this bark sounded different. 

Ruby doesn't bark unless there's something happening. We are still thinking about where we will leave her when we go overseas. There are 2 people who would love to take her. We just need to think with one!

Even though things have been hard for you, you still did heaps today which is pretty amazing! Well done to you!

Do you do jigsaw puzzles much?

[Captain24]

I checked all the rooms and under the bed, in the closet, under the coffee table, under the lamp table, behind the lounge. I checked everywhere. They do bark but just not as much as Jett today. It was full on and I Kat couldn’t stop him. I kept checking where he was barking but never thought to actually lift the recliner. It’s not easy to get in there! @tyme.

It did freak me out but tonight freaked me out even more! I was scared that I wouldn’t get it out or that it would attack me as I was hitting it trying to get it from under my bed. It just wouldn’t move with the broom. 

At least you have options.. better than nowhere. 

I did do a far chunk. I think it was hospital distraction. I go in at 10 on Tuesday and mum is taking me over. I should be 3-4 hours and it’s a general anaesthetic so that’s harder. 

I despise jigsaw puzzles! I’m happy with my 3D ones as they tell you where to put the pieces like Lego just harder. 

Do you do them? 

[AuntGlow]

Hello lovely! @Captain24

Getting paid a full hour and only working 15 minutes is a big slay. 💅

Honestly, it would be so incredibly hard to give yourself some slack when you have consistently  experienced a message that suggests anything less than 100% is not good enough. It will take time to rewrite, but I believe that every small step you can take towards rewiring is helpful. Even if that is simply acknowledging that maybe your version of 100% on that day is enough. Of course, your very skillful brain will want to jump in and protect you, but I think acknowledging that both parts exist could be helpful. I know you have been exploring versions of this in therapy. How is it going, by the way?

I just read about the cat saga! My gosh. It sounds like this was really overwhelming... Pix and Jett seem like they were so spooked. 🥺

I can definitely hear that you are feeling overloaded... it can be really, really challenging to hold so many things at ones. It's important to remember that we weren't really made for all of this stimulation - we were made to frolic and luxuriate a lot more often than we do (in my opinion). I am sensing active rest could be regulating for you. I keep coming back to how you feel when you're at the beach - things in that realm. 

Oh my gosh, that is so sweet! She would have loved that. Amazing that you can Moonwalk!! How did it feel to see her so happy and proud, knowing you facilitated that space? 

These sound like fantastic strategies. I like the idea of visualisation exposures! It makes a lot of sense actually. I am so keen to hear how this goes. 

I understand that thought process, and I can only imagine how real it feels for you, even when you're trying to challenge it... but I can see you getting there. These changes are never linear and they take their sweet a** time! haha 

But you are absolutely capable - you are already doing the thing. 🫶