Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Smc]

@CheerBear, I find myself doing the "tuning out" thing too. I wonder if it's a self protective thing. I can't function with the full measure of the "normal" reaction to a lot of what happens and what my daughter talks about.
It also gives an odd sense of perspective that's out of step with others around us. One time I mentioned that our daughter had been in hospital the night before but it had "only" been for an asthma attack. I got an odd look from the friend I was talking to, which I didn't properly process until later.. oh yeah, that's right... for most, an asthma attack requiring ER would be a big thing.

[Volcanogirl]

It certainly is a lasting effect. I've been having counselling and she said it will take months to recover. He went into residential care a month before he died and the plan was to return to work but I find my brain is too fried to think clearly enough to take care of myself never mind get back to work mode after 5 years caring. It means going onto Newstart after carer payment, a big downward step but I know my health must now take priority..

[Lauz]

Welcome @Live50 - wonderful to have you here to share your thoughts- welcome to the forums. It's also a big part of Topic Tuesdays to find shared experiences and understanding which is great to see happening. 

@Adge thats a good question regarding finding that passion again - there will be a discussion point we cover soon around tips and strategies and @Rockpool will go into answering that then too 🙂

[Live50]

Hmm not sure if it is burnout or CF. The burnout sounds really familiar.

[CheerBear]

Me either @Live50. Maybe mine is burnout more than CF as that's sounding really familiar to me too.

[Lauz]

Also hi and welcome @Faith-and-Hope  - we saw your question and @Rockpool has it on her agenda for a discussion point shortly 🌸

[Rockpool]

Welcome @Live50. It sounds like this topic is resonating with you. I will post some information so which may make it clearer to distinguish between CF and burnout. Hopefully that helps 

@CheerBear  & @Smc the 'tuning out' that you are describing does sound to me like a self-protection strategy/response. Tuning out any information that we perceive in these moments as harmful to ourselves in any way is protective this can include anything from conversations with our family or friends to not tuning in to watch the news. 

[Rockpool]

Experiencing compassion fatigue can make you more likely to experience burnout. It can be a bit of a slippery slope if you do not act when you notice the signs of CF and continue to put the needs of others before your own. Definitely something that is common when caring for others and sounds like something many of you can relate to!

Thanks so much everyone for sharing your insights, they have been really enlightening. Let's keep the insights coming as we move through to the next questions 

The main difference between both of these experiences is how they develop. Compassion fatigue is as a result of using our empathy and compassion to care for others, while burnout is as a result of prolonged stress regardless of the nature of this stress.

As they sources of each experience are different, so too are some of the signs. For example, feeling an increased sense of cynicism and a negative view is unique to burnout, while the sense of disconnection that comes from a decreased ability to use compassion and empathy is unique to compassion fatigue.

[Volcanogirl]

One of my signs of CF is being cranky and irritable, such as shouting at a ringing phone saying "who else wants me to get up?"

[Smc]

@Rockpool, by that description I'd be more "compassion fatigue" than "burnout", but I think I'm probably experiencing both?
Is a bit hard to define what is a "negative view" and what is a realistic view? I'm someone whose default is to expect the best, and try to find something bright or funny, but at the same time there the hard thing of realising that our circumstances really are extraordinary, and not in a good way.