If there is one theme that is consistently recurring in my life for the past number of years it is the theme of wanting, desiring and even craving experience.
If one were to look at my resume they would see quite a lot of experience – a jigsaw puzzle of things put together. But this is only one form of experience. It’s only one form of life.
I have mastered the thing that I once thought impossible – getting a job. There was once a time where I struggled to get that. But now I’ve landed where I am now. Do I care about this? Not so much anymore.
I was reading the diary I kept when I was away 4 years ago. Today 4 years ago I woke and planned on going to a place for brunch but then diverted course and went to the deli opposite. Then I remember walking around and then also trying to visit ONEWorld Tower. I didn’t go as the weather and fog prevented it. I distinctly remember chatting to the guy who was on the bus tour and said to him that I had paid for the ticket and that it would probably not be worth visiting the place. It was a cold and rainy night. I remember quipping that I’d wasted more money on worse to which he agreed that he had too – the ticket for OneWorld was not cheap. When I got to the OneWorld centre they told me it would be better to visit the following night. I rushed over to the last Big Bus and caught that back and remember sitting on the roof in the freezing cold. I took a lot of photos and I want to look at them again. I want to take myself back to that experience. The guy who worked on the bus told me what little he knew of Australia and asked about the difference between Sydney and Melbourne – indicating that he thought it has something to do with sport.
In amongst the towering buildings and cold sleet of the North American winter, I found myself at ease with so much in the world. It was the freest I had felt up until that point.
Also at that point, I had made plans to visit Phili and then move on to DC and then Warsaw to go to the EAD. The rest is history.
Nowadays I find myself caught. There was a pandemic between then and now. There was so many unlived experienced and unfounded potential in that space of time that was spent in isolation, grinding away at some crap job, trying to figure it out after a plan had disappeared.
I did well for myself. I remember what it was like being in the throws of covid times. Most of us will and do all over this world.
I can always revisit those past experiences.
But I now need to make and take more.
Lose conditions.
So.
For the rest of this year I will stay. I will wait and see where this goes. That’s all I can do.
But before anything else I tell my <name> about what I plan.
Not in the hope she gives the stamp of approval. But Because I want her to know. Whenever we have embraced, it has been what I needed. Whenever we’ve laughed in hysterics or cried in anger – it has been what we needed.
I must pour this out to her. That’s all I have control over.
@TAB @Jacques @Shaz51 @Bill16 @StuF @Appleblossom @tyme
