Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script

[BPDSurvivor]

@Former-Member !!! I’m so so glad you understand! 

It is so validating to know that it’s the simple things in life that can get us back on track. Kids also get me back on track. I see them, and I just melt. I’m so glad to hear that animals and nature help you re-regulate. 

As we’ve both now established, we don’t know why such simple things work for us. The pain is so intense, then suddenly a simple act does the trick. 

Yet this also has the opposite effect. A simple act can tip us off. I don’t have this as much now, but in the past, if someone turned a light on, looked at me in the ‘wrong’ way, or didn’t look at me, then I’d switch to being an emotional mess.

@Little_Leopard , what set me off yesterday was my family saying that I always have negative perspectives of people. 
1) I don’t think that is true

2) when I do do it, it’s because it’s safety mechanism. I’ve been hurt so much in the past that if I have a negative viewpoint of people (who are trying to get close), then I’m protecting myself.

Of course I didn’t say any of this to them. When I said it wasn’t true, they came back with ‘we dared to challenge you..’ It upset me a lot.

Of well, new day. I slept in and will go get some brunch now.

Oh, forgot to mention @Little_Leopard , I’ve been busy with work. It’s report writing time at school. This year, I did not only have my reports to write, but others too. So I ended up with nearly 1000 reports… so yeah, maybe that’s why I haven’t been around lol.

 But will definitely see you around!

[Little_Leopard]

Hey @BPDSurvivor @I kind of get the impression from what you have said that  maybe you feel that your mental health diagnosis is being weaponised? Or or maybe that that they have been unskillful?
I can understand why you felt so much anger and pain at those comments, I felt that way just reading about it. I also have major trust issues and openly admit that I am very untrusting and extremely skeptical of people. That’s not something I hold against myself or would ever judge anybody for. 

See the funny thing with mental health is that once people find out that you have a mental health condition it seems to become an excuse for others to just blame the person with the MH for all of the relationship problems. Communication is always a two way street though. People seem to forget their own shortcomings and bad behaviour when interacting with others. 

Just because you have MH doesn’t mean you always have to be the one who is wrong. If others are being rude saying inappropriate things then they should own it.

But remember that we all fall short. Maybe they are having their own mental health issues that they are not in touch with or coping with? What do you think?

Remember that you only need to take accountability for your own actions. Their behaviour is theirs. Whether they own it or not is not your concern, it’s their problem. These same accountability principles that as us MH folk people learn also applies to everyone else. 

Also you deserve to be respected and have your own boundaries respected. When I become intensely uncomfortable or distressed by someone else’s comments or action I say “No thank you, this is not helpful”. It’s quick and to the point. It says I am not engaging in this because it’s hurting/harming me, and it also causes the person to look inward and reflect on their own actions without any blaming or finger pointing. Even if the other person is not “in the wrong” it alerts them to the fact that you are feeling distressed and are not coping with the direction of the situation . If the person doesn’t respect my request for them to stop then I tell them “this is to much, I have to go”. 
Thats ideally how I like to handle things when I feel people are  not honouring my boundaries. 

sounds like you have been super busy. Teaching is such an intense job. 1000 reports sounds massive. Is that usual to write other people’s reports? 

I disappear from the forums for periods and come back as well. I Just use them as I need. That’s the thing I love about this place. There is no pressure. Or expectation on me.

[Former-Member]

@BPDSurvivor oh, the police trigger me. And I am so much more intelligent than they are, and that triggers me. Would I choose to become a police officer, no. Police officers are so clueless when it come to everything. Maybe more of us BPD folks should become police officers and then they would have a clue. 

BPD is a superpower, we just haven't harnessed it yet. 

[Former-Member]

@BPDSurvivor I'm not at all will be well BPD survivor. Things are effing shit! We don't get taken seriously because we're BPD. But, we see everything for what it is. I'm over it, I have no patience left within me. I don't care who gets us anymore, I'm just so glad to not be them. I will never wish away my BPD, it has made me a better person. 

[tyme]

Hey @Former-Member ,

I have to agree with you too. Often, BPD-ers are not taken seriously. I know I wasn't the many times I was in ED. 

Yet, like you, I wouldn't want to wish my BPD away either. I have found that I have much more understanding that many people out there. Life can suck sometimes with BPD, but I also have pull in the reins and say, life sucks for other people at times too - those who DON'T have BPD. 

So no, I'm also not prepared to wish away my BPD less I end up with something even harder!

I hear it is hard right now, and hence we have a whole BPD community here to celebrate BPD, acknowledge the challenges, but all in all, shout its praises! Go BPD!

You too @BPDSurvivor @Coffeelover82 @NoDirtyLaundry @encee @ontheborderline @Cathie2 

[Little_Leopard]

@Former-Member  So sorry that people treat you this way. My old friend told me about the social model of disability. I really think society needs to get to the point of inclusion and creating society to cater to people with disability instead of people with disability “fitting in”.  There is ao mic discrimination in society. We have all been raised in it. It took me to get to my 30s to finally meet a couple of people who changed my views on mental health which made me a better person and allowed me to love and have compassion for myself.

I, like you am totally done with caring what others think. I have found “my people”. My community is the psychosocial community and we are the most compassionate, understanding and imperfect wonderful bunch of people. We struggle with the terrors of MH but you will never meet a person with deeper compassion and understanding that someone like us.

So yeah, all the judging pompous asshats who are also lucky enough to have no disability can kindly piss off.

[Little_Leopard]

Hey @tyme. One time I was watching a Marsha Linehan interview on YouTube and she said  that she use to tell her BPD clients that if they even needed to go to the emergency room to never tell them that you had BPD or you would not get taken seriously. I think that statement coming from her says everything.

Not sure if much has changed since back then, but judging from what I’m hearing on the forums it’s still terrible.

Sending love to the BPDers. You deserve love, respect and safety. 

[tyme]

Yes @Little_Leopard  Absolutely! I have experienced first hand how the face drops when nurses, doctors etc hear "BPD". You get a cold should straight away and you are sent out of the hospital faster than you can say "boo". You are so right in raising that. This is why people need to understand what BPD is, esp people working ED. 

It's so hard when people do not understand the incredible pain a borderline is experiencing. I read somewhere that people say childbirth is one of the most painful experiences (physically), and BPD is neck-to-neck with that, but emotionally. If only people knew. 

@BPDSurvivor @Former-Member @Coffeelover82 @Faith-and-Hope 

[BPDSurvivor]

You’re so incredible @Little_Leopard . Your posts are so valuable and uplifting to read.

 People don’t understand my mental health because I don’t talk about it in the way I speak about it here. People in education often just want to ‘move on’ and don’t have time to talk about mental health. I don’t talk to my family about it either - that’s probably why they don’t get it.

Anyway, I know what works and doesn’t work for me. I’ve come to the point where I’m not going to try an explain myself - too much energy involved. Shit happens in life, we can’t stop it. There’s no point decorating shit with flowers because ultimately, it’s still shit lol. I just need to learn to let it be and move on to work with what I am in control of.

 Reports? I lead a STEM team. With the current teacher shortage, we have casual teachers who don’t do reports. So no, it’s not normal for me to do other people’s reports but because it’s my team, then I have to do them. Oh well, part of the job. And soon it’ll only get worse because those on sponsorship visas need to go to the farms for 88 days to pick fruit. So that’s three months some classes won’t have teachers. Not only that, in July, those on student visas (who are working as teachers) have their unlimited work hours cut to 24 hours which means some staff can only work 3 days instead of full time.

Way to go government! I don’t have answers for you either.

 So yes, that’s the challenge with the racing industry right now. But I’m quite aware farmers and aged care are also suffering. With NZ now in a recession, let’s see what happens to Australia.

 Welcome to the real world.

[BPDSurvivor]

I don’t have the heart to be a police officer @Former-Member . I reckon you have to be so desensitised to terrible situations in order to survive. I’ve never met a successful borderline police officer. I think a borderline would feel too much.

I have though, met heaps of borderline nurses and teachers. I think it suits borderlines well because we have the compassion that’s needed for these jobs.

As for triggers, police are a huge trigger for me too. I’ve dealt with too many police in my BPD journey to be able to shake off the trigger. My police stories are horrendous. I’ve got goosebumps just thinking about it. 

I’m sorry it’s so hard for you right now. I had another trigger tonight and I feel very hurt. I went all out to try and help someone and they have turned around to say everything was my fault.

Its happened to me so many times. Maybe that is to tell me I need to stop caring so much. Even at school, I want to help teachers so I do what I can. Then the deputy told me on Fri, ‘That’s not your job. It’s their issue, let them deal with it’… which is true. I just care too much.

 But would I exchange my big heart for any other? No! However, I do need to learn to not get it hurt so often.

Hugs to you @Former-Member . I hear it’s so hard right now but know you are not alone. I’ve been down this rough paths. And I’m still here to share my story. You can do it @Former-Member ! I’m here for you.