Connection - Connecting (After thoughts from group today)

[BluJay]

Today I had group discussion in recovery club around "connection". I can honestly say out of each group discussion I have been a part of, particularly in Hope (had this one twice 1st time I contributed, second time I was a bystander had zero spoons), Identity and Connection I have left these chats on a bit of a "high". I am someone who really struggles making friends, and I suppose most my life if I have tried I've gone about it alllll wrong! 
But today the chat and the flow of group was so organic and comfortable, not only feeling seen myself, but appreciating other group members coming forward with their experiences. 
Some people I have had in other discussion groupsand today some were new, and I just felt this sense of belonging, I need a community like that in the physical, or maybe just online is okay. I'm not really sure. I just want to make friends but not based on what I can give, do, hide about myself etc. I just want to be accepted for me, who I am as a person and not what is perceived that I have on offer. 

So without giving away any identifying markers, if you feel this resonates with you and that youre also seeking connection, or you were in the group discussion today, I'd love to continue to connect through this safe space. I really want to build on my community.

Sending love and understanding to you all. 

[rav3n]

this is such a lovely post @BluJay 💖

that's the beauty of the online community here, we just want you to be you. look forward to seeing you around the forums, we're here for you.

[BluJay]

Thank you @rav3n, I'm really coming to that idea of surrounding myself with people who add positivity to my life and trying to let go of relationships/things etc. that no longer align with my beliefs and I suppose sense of identity. I am still navigating who I am and what I like and even what I want in life and how I want that to look. But I have definitely realised that it is all about WHO and WHAT we surround ourself with. 

When initially processing and dealing with my diagnosis' of BPD, cPTSD and a nice little handle of other things (but I personally think they are more so comorbidities of the disorders), I felt so overwhelmed, isolated and panicked. That was almost a year ago, and it's been baby steps, but these last 6 months, even whilst chaotic and at times added more trauma, I can see how much I am growing already. So I am just wanting to find people and make connections with others who I feel our core values, beliefs & moral compass match ❤️ 

[0ddsidian]

@BluJay Love this! So glad you have been liking the groups! I absolutely relate to the IDENTITY and CONNECTION topics leaving me on a high. I think this is because they can evoke some really REAL but hopeful conversations. Group spaces are so important (including digital forums like this). 1-1 can be really good, but I think there's a difference that comes from being in a space where you can relate to several people at once. It really helps to reduce some of the loneliness and shame I feel about being both "too much" and "not enough" (at the same time!).

It probably helps that so many people in groups often share my neurotype haha

I'm curious; how would you define "community"?

[Shaz51]

Hello @BluJay , @0ddsidian , @rav3n 😊

[0ddsidian]

Hi @Shaz51 ♥️ 

Here to CONNECT?

[BluJay]

@rav3n The groups have been great, and my peer support worker is also incredible. I would classify myself as maybe spiritual (not 100% on that term really). I do believe that we cross paths with people for a reason in some shape or form, and I feel with my peer support worker we were meant to be! From our common interests to their gentle and supportive understanding, which has made me cry (in good ways), possibly almost every chat. I love that they can share a lived experience but also have the capacity, spoons & desire to help me work through things and offer me advice and/or tools that actually work! 

I've always known I was different, since forever, but never knew what it was, so I think being in a space where (I don't have factual statistics) I feel like pretty much all of us living with complex mental health are wired differently from the "neuro-typical", whatever that is haha, there is a sense of belonging. 

I think maybe community to me (I do struggle with explaining my thoughts so I hope this is some what easy to follow) in my mind, I picture like a community hall or something but the people existing in that space are all unique and interesting but are respectful, caring, and supportive of one another. Sometimes I think community to me might also look like a group of friends that try to catch up regularly i.e. once a month for a board game night.(side note: I'd love doing that) I've not had a group of friends or really many friends for a very long time. I have been definitely learning love enjoy my time with myself, but I love want friendship I think without a hidden agenda or having to mask and hide who I am.

Sorry this might not have made much sense, and I know I have bracket statements everywhere. Haha. 

[BluJay]

Hey @Shaz51! 
Have you found the recovery club helpful on your journey 🙂 

[AlwaysMyself]

@BluJay your post is so encouraging and your idea of the type of people you want and value in life sounds very much like what ive found too.

"Unique and interesting" = my type of people. And yeah, totally get the "not neuro-typical" thing haha, Im not (diagnosible) ASD and not AdHD or other identified neurodivergent diagnosis... but im also definitely not neurotypical either 😉 and that is part of my strengths too!

I play boardgames/DnD with a few friends- they are *all* highly-suspected or diagnosed ADHD and/or ASD 😉. And theyre the people I feel the most myself with! We all value the acceptance we give each other and celebrate being who we are genuinely. We have some overlapping interests, but we also have some very different ones. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and we're all OK with each others' 😊. We all hold the core values of respect, care, and integrity - so that covers most behavioural interactions to be positive!

I've never been to group sessions, and have wondered what they're like, how they work, and what benefit/help they provide. Im glad to hear they provide a sense of connection, as that is so important (and a part of the reason I joined the forum myself).

Would you be willing to share generically what group sessions are like / how they operate / structure? 

I think ive always had a (mis?)conception that its an "educational" group session where they try to teach techniques for thinking/coping (like CBT, or the importance of diet and exercise and sleep patrerns) - something that I already know and use. But it sounds like these ones are not that at all?

[0ddsidian]

You made OODLES of sense @BluJay ♥️

I don't have the statistics either, but I can anecdotally tell you that at least 50% of people who actually attend the groups identify as neurodivergent, and it's likely that it's much higher than that! I adore that there's almost this implicit safety where masking isn't a requirement, because everyone feels they aren't judged, because they KNOW everyone else feels "different" too.

I love the two visions you have of "community". Some days I view community as being that space where people (physically or digitally) congregate; who share a common facet of their identity, and that facet can differ in depths. Maybe it's a diagnosis. Maybe it's gender / sexuality. Maybe it's a common interest. My version of "community" has to involve some level of mutual respect and understanding.

As I'll always say; sometimes friendships for me can be valuable even if they're a bit more surface level. I don't want all my connections to be deep, soul connections. I need lightness too. Sometimes simplicity is what I need. My brain is whirly and complex enough most days. Sometimes I just want to talk about potatoes and Kpop. But I do agree that regardless of the depth I want it to be authentic.