22-02-2024 04:19 PM
22-02-2024 04:19 PM
@tonys 👍👍🌹
22-02-2024 06:10 PM
22-02-2024 06:10 PM
@StuF wow thanks! Not in the habit of grabbing ppl unless I ask nicely first. (dinner/movie/etc) ha!
But I am glad to get this response from someone.
My usual writing is objective and direct so it was a bit of a change to put things in first person for a change.
😄
22-02-2024 07:41 PM
22-02-2024 07:41 PM
23-02-2024 04:54 PM
23-02-2024 04:54 PM
23-02-2024 05:10 PM - edited 23-02-2024 05:35 PM
23-02-2024 05:10 PM - edited 23-02-2024 05:35 PM
I dreamed I invented a pill that erased memory ..
WATTLE.
I never had a real mum
well . . that's not entirely true
She'd come home late
cheap makeup tracked
The bills all overdue.
Kinda had an ol' man
if you count the times not pissed.
They're marked in scars
upon my face
His shame from boot 'n fist.
They taught me love from fractured flesh
and wiped it on the wall
The police reports they never lie
it happened in a fall..
I think I may have had a mum
though meat 'n milk gone sour.
In shady lane she iced the pain
that's paid for by the hour.
I think I had an old man
'til the devil drink within
I died a thousand deaths that night
the object of his sin.
I tried to hold my mother's weight
while teetered on a chair.
Felt her fluids sting my skin
Her bulge eyed deathly stare.
A pauper's grave in pouring rain
a mother up an left.
And father's lies upon the crime
and orphans eyes bereft.
I may have had an old man
but my mother taught me best.
To sell my soul in hell's dark hole
Say no to no request.
So here I am a broken man
sleeps rough in bourbon bottle.
A nectar bird my only word
I cry "neath golden wattle.. tonys.. 23. 2. 24
@Appleblossom @Oaktree @StuF @Jynx @KirSa_EnigmA @Emelia8 @TAB @SmilingGecko
@Historylover @ENKELI @Glisten @Shaz51 and all those who did hard time on struggle street.
I saw somewhere that @supermodel had orientation at university yesterday. Congratulations
and best wishes on your academic adventure.
If you tell me your the lecturer, I'll die of embarrassment.. tonys
23-02-2024 05:38 PM
23-02-2024 05:38 PM
..here's a pome (paul hogan pronunciation) by Chris Cornell
23-02-2024 06:31 PM
23-02-2024 06:31 PM
Hello @tonys I don't think the pain ever goes away. I feel what you went through as a kid. When parents do the wrong thing and don't protect us its very overwhelming and confusing for a child. I am sorry that happened to you.
I had a difficult childhood. It was emotional abuse mostly every day. I don't remember many days without feeling angst and desperation and shedding tears. I believe it set the preconditions for my mental illness.
That is one of the things that causes it among other factors according to Anthony William who wrote a book called Brain Saver which is in the same series as the Celery Juice book I suggested to you.
I hope you are doing ok. Getting it out on paper is very therapeutic and enables us to bear witness to what has come to pass. To see it there as some kind of testament to our pain enables us to have some measure of legitimacy over what went on.
I don't know what state of mind you are in but hope you are not overly triggered this evening. Its good to get it out of your system. You wrote a beautiful poem of both sadness, parental neglect and betrayal.
Your writing skill is something you should feel proud of. Plus you turned out to be a better person than your mum and dad. You have brought your family redemption through the high standards you hold yourself to. I also know you have forgiven both your parents even though they inflicted so much harm.
I don't know what the lesson is in all of this but your sensitivity and kindness is still intact and its like a healing balm to everyone here who are fortunate enough to read your beautiful feeling nature through prose and heartfelt messages
23-02-2024 08:29 PM
23-02-2024 08:29 PM
@tonys you are worth your weight in gold. Big HUGS
G
23-02-2024 08:41 PM
23-02-2024 08:41 PM
That's very thoughtful of you @SmilingGecko . Probly should add, I have always been a glass half full
guy, so no need to worry. Yes the ghosts still come in the night, . . . but I need them.
When they recede with the tide of the night, I fossick the twilight beach for the shells they leave behind.
They are the tools of our trade SG. They make you resilient and resourceful. I kept them in my pocket all the years busked. Everyone has a beachhead to take in their mind. Tougher the battle, the sweeter
the victory. I hope you are well my friend.
I think the worst abuse is that which leaves no bruises or scars. No physical proof. You wear it, and they get away with it. I think you may have had it harder than me in that respect. My many enemies just
died the death of those that won't be missed. . . slowly .
Thanks again for your kind words and I'm very lucky to know you Smiling Gecko.. tonys..
23-02-2024 08:41 PM
23-02-2024 08:41 PM
Awww @tonys that poem is so sad 😔. Poignant and beautifully written, just as I have come to expect from you. But it made me cry, and my little @Hannah 🐶 came up to me all concerned and licked away my tears 😢
If you need urgent assistance, see Need help now
For mental health information, support, and referrals, contact SANE Support Services
SANE Forums is published by SANE with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health
SANE - ABN 92 006 533 606
PO Box 1226, Carlton VIC 3053