Loneliness

[Lexie3]

Hey guys, I’m not sure if this is the right place but I joined this forum because I’ve recently been feeling on the outside of my group of friends and so I decided to take some time for myself distance to put things into perspective and assess what I need from their friendship and while I was doing it for myself part of me hoped they’d notice my silence but it’s bee 3weeks without any contact and no one has reached out or said anything and I’m not a social person so I don’t have many friends they are it and I’m starting to think maybe they don’t care anyway let me know if your in similar situation or if you could give me any advice on what I should do? 

[holdinghope5]

Hi @Lexie3 - you've definitely come to the right place. Welcome to the community. 

You're welcome to join tonight's social thread if you would like to connect with some other members. Loneliness is very hard, and many here have had similar experiences. 

Hope you find what you're looking for here 🙂

[fruitisgood]

hey @Lexie3  welcome to the forums 🙂 

I'm sorry youre experiencing these feelings currently. Feeling lonely and forgotten about or not cared for can be very difficult. There are many on here who can relate to that feeling. 

I dont really know what to advise not knowing you, however I can provide some of my own insight and maybe the perspective may help a little.

In my experiences with friendship, it has been a rough and difficult and confusing road. Ive always felt like a fringe dweller. Friendly with many, felt close to none. 

Its taken alot of time to reach the place Im at currently, and when Im experiencing these feelings and questioning a friendship, I go within and reflect. I find the truth is always somewhere in the grey area inbetween. 

When people dont reciprocate, its often a good indication that theyre not your people. You say you've felt like you've been on the outside, you dont have to respond outloud however I encourage you to ask yourself honestly without criticism why that may be. Do you enjoy their company? Do they make space for you? Do you feel like you can be more relaxed and authentic, or are you constantly bound up in knots of fear and worry of the unknown. 

For me, friendship is hard because I struggle with true intimacy and letting others in due to deep seeded trust issues. Its hard because despite my desire to connect, there feels like theres an invisible intangible barrier. I describe the lonliness I feel as if Im in a room full of people but im in a glass box without the key. Do you resonate with that?  

I hope this has been a little bit helpful. Happy to chat more and respond when I can if you need an ear

[SchizOttie]

I am a Loner too.. But I took Counselling services of Psychologist which has rebates, once a month, plus there are Counselling services available through community or even here on SANE - an Official can guide you to such services or peer support! 

I also have tried updating myself... 

Started with exercises...

Joined Aspergers Victoria and NeuroDivergent Clubs ONLINE...

Went on REDDIT on MENTAL HEALTH CHANNEL!

and Last but not the Least... Joined SANE!...

Helped me to talk to LIKE MINDED PEOPLE!

[Lexie3]

@fruitisgood Hey thanks so much for that I greatly appreciate it, I don’t really know how to put them into words these people are people that I genuinely do care about and I never question my friendship with them until I really thought about it I’ve noticed since distancing myself from them that part of me has felt a whole lot free like I wasn’t chasing their approval anymore but my own but the other part of me has felt a whole lot sadder and isolated I don’t know if this is something you can relate to.  Also that thing you said about the glass box I suppose I feel like in some part but when I’m with them I feel present but I don’t feel that they are aware of my presence like I’m a little overlooked

[rav3n]

hey @Lexie3 sounds like this distancing period has been really insightful for you.

personally, caring alone wasn't enough for me to keep a friendship. i think i needed shared views/values and compatibility. there were some friends i cared for/still care for deeply, but i have let them go as they never initiated a convo/hangout, and it was always me doing it. it sucked and hurt, but at the same time, it felt like a bit of weight off my shoulders. i don't think they were bad friends, in fact, they're amazing people - but they weren't what i was looking for.

over time, i did find other people that better aligned with my needs. and i have complete faith you will too!

[rav3n]

@Lexie3 also wanted to share that you can tag member you're responding to by using the @ and typing the username and selecting it. once it turns blue, it means the member will be notified of your response like this @Lexie3 - i've edited your previous post to tag the member you were responding to 😊

[Lexie3]

@rav3n Thanks so much for that it’s helpful you see I get what your saying an all but these people are kinda all I have and dropping them completely will be really hard especially because I care so deeply for them but I guess that doesn’t take away from the fact that I always notice when something is wrong with so I guess it did hurt a little when they didn’t notice it with me I really appreciate the advice I truly do at the moment a bunch of strangers on the internet are all I really have so I appreciate that you took time out of your day to respond to me. 

[rav3n]

no worries at all, really happy to chat 😊 @Lexie3 if you don't want to let them go - that's totally okay too!! i can understand that.

would you maybe be open to chatting to them about it? maybe you can talk about what type of communication you'd like (i.e. a check-in if you haven't reached out in a few weeks). 

i'm personally a believer that if YOU want to chat to someone, hangout with someone, etc., then you should go for it and ask them, especially if it's going to make you happy to connect with them. assuming that these friends are good people though (i would not condone this for toxic friends or exes hehe). at the end of the day, how often someone texts/calls you does not accurately reflect how much they care for you. i have friends i talk to every few weeks/months, and i care for them so deeply too (unfortunately life just gets in the way of me showing it to them as often as i'd like). 

plus, the community here is always here for you too 💙