My Mosaic

[Bow]

Thanks @Snowie 

Didn’t do as well this week at the market. But I didn’t stay around all day, came home once I helped set up. Mowed the lawns 😩Did have other plans but then had to go back down and help mum cause she was having technical difficulties 😩

fairly crappy day really. I’m ready for bed. 

how was your day?

[Snowie]

Sorry it's been crappy @Bow Sounds like your mum needs you at the markets for quite a few reasons.

Can you get into bed yet?

Don't want to repeat myself across multiple posts. Just blah.

[Bow]

Yeah @Snowie she needs my help to set up… and pack down with the marquee and other stuff. And then we use a wireless eftpos machine connected with our phones, but the current one gives her a lot of grief when connecting to her phone. Sigh. She’s going to get a better one, hopefully it will be better. 

im just watching some tv and then I’ll be in bed soon I think. 

I’ll go see if I can read what’s been happening for you @Snowie 

[Bow]

I don’t know how to keep doing this. 

changing back to my meds hasn’t helped. I thought it would be a quick change… but no. 

feel like no one can do anything anymore. Beyond help. Beyond getting better moving forward. 
after what happened last week and the temptation it holds the spirals just feel stronger

whats the point anymore 

[Jynx]

Hey @Bow I'm sorry to hear that you're still having a rough time getting your meds sorted. Perhaps it might take a little bit of an adjustment period to get back on track? 

Have you let your SW/CM know that you're feeling like this? 

[Bow]

Don’t know if I’ve got an ‘adjustment period’ though @Jynx 

SW kinda maybe knows bits I don’t know really. Who cares

[Jynx]

@Bow I mean you never know, perhaps some time is needed to rebuild routine, especially with how much I imagine the meds were interfering with your sleep schedule. 

Well, I care, very much so. But I'm sensing that was a rhetorical question to highlight that you don't care so much right now. 

[Bow]

I care very little @Jynx  which feels incredibly scary at the moment.

want to be not alive

[Jynx]

Are you safe for tonight @Bow? 

Aye, lack of caring is a big red flag ay. I am really hearing you and how scary this is for you hun. 

Even so, is it a good time to look over your safety plan and see if there's things there to utilise tonight? 

[Bow]

In all honest what good is a safety plan???? I don’t really find it at all helpful @Jynx