My Mosaic

[Snowie]

Maybe sending it to her might get it of your shoulders @Bow 

It's hard sitting with all of it at times.

I think you put in hard work every single day hon. Looking after D, living each day, going through the motions.

Just let down yesterday again by my SW. 

[Bow]

I messaged my SW and asked if I could send her something I wrote and she said yes and that she would call me after reading it @Snowie 

Was still hard to hit the send button. 
She was very kind and understanding though. We chatted for a bit. 

im sorry your SW has let you down so much hon 😞

[Snowie]

Well done for sending it through to your SW @Bow I know how hard that can be. You showed a lot of courage hon.

I'm glad you have her, she sounds like a real caring person, a keeper.

Hopefully it makes things a little easier for you today.

[Bow]

Thanks @Snowie 

I need to come up with a way to…. I don’t like to say ‘move on’ from this trauma. But I hate that I have this trauma anniversary… and others, that come around every year and they ruin things. I talked with my SW about it a little bit on the phone. This particular trauma happened nearly 30yrs ago. And I’ll admit, for a long time it didn’t affect me cause I blocked it for so long. I just don’t know what to do. 

[Snowie]

@Bow I can totally understand that we hide the trauma from ourselves for so long. That we block them out. As much as we try to deal with them, as much as we seek help for them, they can still affect us so much. They can feel like it is happening all over again. That those emotions we had so many years ago, can affect us again now.

I have a trauma that happened over 30 years ago on xmas day. For so long I blocked it out too. Now, it pulls me in. My darkest moments come to the forefront on a day that should bring me so much joy.

I really don't have an answer for you hon. All you can do is use the people around you for support. To lean on them and allow them to help you through some of your darkest moments.

That includes the forum too. Sometimes using those people that know what you are going through is sometimes the biggest help.

[Bow]

Thank you @Snowie  i know that you understand and that is really comforting to know. Thank you for sharing. 

[tyme]

Hey @Bow ,

How did everything go last night and today?

I haven't caught up on the chat, but once again, I'm interested to hear your experiences of Schema-therapy. Which day/s do you go?

[Bow]

@tyme  Thought about you today. Was at my community mh centre waiting for my pdoc appointment and a homeless man came in with his cardboard boxes and blankets to use the toilets and charge his phone. My SW them shared some of her time working with the homeless folk around the place and then said that she knew someone that worked in the Aus CIA and after so many years sleeping it rough he can no longer sleep on a proper bed with a mattress. He just prefers to sleep on the floor. Thought if you. Roughing it. 
Do you get cold in winter? Sleeping on the floor?

[tyme]

LOL @Bow .

Yes, it WAS cold sleeping on the floor and that's why I had to stop. It was affecting my back and most likely not good for my arthritis.

It's hard being homeless. It becomes a cycle. Poor thing that he had to come in to use the toilet and charge his phone. It's not easy breaking out of the cycle of homelessness, and it's not getting any easier.

[Bow]

Sorry @tyme  i missed your reply from a couple of hours ago. 

last night wasn’t great and today hasn’t been overly good either. But I got myself to my pdoc appointment this morning, but he was running nearly an hour behind. His away now for 3 months. 
I messaged my SW and let her know that the coming week may be a bit challenging with a trauma anniversary. Guess that’s what has been on my mind today and have been struggling with. Hate that it has such a big impact on me still every year. 

SO… what are you sleeping on now?? A proper bed? 
Yes homelessness is horrible. Community mh are pretty good at letting anyone come in and use the facilities. One of the reception ladies even gave this guy today a cord for his phone to keep. 

Schema therapy. I go every Monday. For 2 hours. It goes pretty quick. We all decided that we wanted a quick 5 min break half way. There is 2 facilitators, one being my old psych and then another lady. And there is 4 of us. We did week 4 this week just gone. I shall look for a simple graphic to explain a little bit of what we have done so far.