My Mosaic

[Bow]

I’ve kept myself busy all day. I’ve masked up all evening to be mum. But when I tuck her in and say goodnight and can finally put myself to be all the realness comes flooding over me. 
I am so exhausted. 
I feel so low and depressed.

i just want to cry.

i hate my life and existence.

the pdoc I’m under while mine is away wants to wean me off my prn. I’ve been taking one every night and I sleep so much better. 

I just feel so misunderstood and unheard. I’ve been having a lot more SI. Feel myself sinking 

[tyme]

I'm sorry you feel so misunderstood and unheard. @Bow 

Please know we are here for you.

Hugs.

[rav3n]

hey @Bow so sorry to hear you've had to mask your feelings all day, i can see how exhausting and overwhelming that's been for you. 

you are allowed to cry, maybe it might even make you feel better to release your emotions through tears?

i hear you. i'm sitting with you here too. 

[Snowie]

Morning @Bow 

Sorry I'm not around much but please know that you are in my thoughts a lot hon. Sending lots of love and strength your way

💕💕

[Bow]

Hey @Snowie  no apology needed. I’m sorry things have been so tough for you also. Please look after yourself 

[Bow]

Have had horrendous nausea all day today.  Possible from cutting out my prn? Withdrawals? CM told me to see my gp to talk to her about how to come off my prn but I just stopped it yesterday. Maybe a bad idea?

daughter has been at her fathers today and is trying a sleepover again tonight 😩 I can expect her home anytime. 

I’ve done Lego, painting shelves, cleaning and watched a couple of movies today. We have market tomorrow, so packed the car for that too. Will have my new Father’s Day frames for sale tomorrow and sold one via Facebook today. 

[Snowie]

Evening @Bow 

I hope the market went well today hon and you sold lots.

Sending lots of 💕💕

[Bow]

Hey @Snowie  i hope that you are doing ok. 

im super tired today. Didn’t sleep well last night and was up early for market. I did ok at market, but it was rather windy, so lots of time on our feet holding things down!

[Snowie]

Morning @Bow 

Sounds like the market was full on yesterday.

I hope you were able to get some sleep last night hon and today goes well for you.

💌💌

[Bow]

Crawled into bed and just want to shrivel up and disappear. Zero hope. 

my SI was already extremely high today and then I went into my schema group. We did chair work based on an incident that happened with me last week when my CM told ‘you know what you need to do’. It was really intense and hard. Connecting with the inner critic, vulnerable child, over controller and hopeless surrender. 
wish people would be more mindful of the words they use. CM basically saying…. Just eat. It’s so dismissive. My SI has increased so much since. Feeling such a burden and a nuisance to everyone working with me. 
I have to have a think about what I would like to say back to my CM in response????

had a rough drive back home. Called my SW a number of times when I had to pull over and again when I stopped to make purchases. 

tired. Vulnerable and raw