My Mosaic

[Jynx]

Just wanted to pop in super quick before PGC and say Hi @Bow! Are you back home now hun? Hope you're being very gentle and kind w yourself 💜

[Bow]

Hey @Jynx  thanks for popping by. Yep I am home. Came home late yesterday arvo after sitting around in limbo for far too long. Was ready to just walk out, knew I had been cleared by mh, so no one could really stop me, even pulled all my own cannulas out! They complain that there are never enough beds, yet they take all day to make decision, document those decisions, write reports and scripts and then finally let people go. Sigh

I’ve had a super emotional day since being home. I literally broke down in the shower sobbing. 

my memory is still a complete fuzz and I don’t remember anything. 

today I have had to explain myself to both my SW and CM as they both did home visits. I felt terrible. The amount of times my SW has asked if I am stock piling and I have said no. They both asked again today.  They both wanted to know what happened and that’s kinda hard to remember. 

my SW talked about me needing to make changes, finding things that bring me joy, ya know…. All that kinda stuff. 
my CM had similar things to say. She asked what support I wanted, I said stay with the fn visit and then a call on the other week. She seems to think that will be ok for a few weeks and then review. 

I don’t know what the answer is. They both asked if I was safe and still had them thoughts. I still have the thoughts, they haven’t gone anywhere. 

Trying to be kind…. Gentle. No treadmill today. I rest. I’m exhausted. Sore. And just feeling really fragile. 

anyways, your probably off busy with pgc. Sorry. And sorry about the other night.

[Bow]

Hey @Snowie  just replying now. 

it is hard when everything is taken off you. My Webster packs use to just sit on the kitchen bench. I’ve actually been talking my meds correctly, so not hoarding those ones.  But mum has taken them now. It’s annoying… having to ask for my meds 4x a day. 
talked with my CM about it today, she said it’s not necessary and maybe it’s something my mum can do for a couple of weeks. She’s very different. My CM. 

As for supports. I honestly don’t know what other support there is for me. CM said I’ve got heaps. It’s really hard when I present fine, look fine, can do things. But internally…. Messy, falling apart. 

anyways. I should stop complaining

[Snowie]

I take my webster packs correctly too @Bow 

I'm not sure I can talk about hoarding on here. I don't want to trigger anyone.

You're not complaining hon. If you can't get things out on here then whats the point of having a place like this.

I understanding the presenting fine too. Inside is screaming for help.

[Jynx]

@Bow oh ouch, yanking your own cannulas?! You realise that's like, hardcore right? I'm picturing like, slow heavy metal music and Matrix-style cinematography as you rip them out with a dramatic flourish... 😝

It's so hard when you have memory gaps hey! Story of my life lol.... But yeah I'm guessing that they're perhaps looking for like... the tipping point I guess you'd call it? Cos yeah the SI is obvs pretty much chronic, so what is it that moves you from thoughts to actions? (PS I'm not necessarily looking for an answer rn as I can't discuss in-depth; I'm just asking to help w reflecting and such)

Glad you are resting hun, and hopefully you can continue to be gentle w yourself and give yourself this lil break over the weekend too!

[tyme]

Hey @Snowie @Bow ,

I have to say, I'm still on webster packs. To this day, I never see a script nor go to a chemist. It's all delivered to my house.

I think I've come to the point (after years), that I can manage my own meds. I just haven't made any changes.

It used to be every second day pick ups.

These interventions don't have to be lifelong. It's about doing what is good and right for you at any one time.

[Snowie]

@tyme the webster packs aren't the problem

it goes deeper than that

[Bow]

Hi @tyme 

[tyme]

Hey @Bow ! How are you?

Missed you.

[Bow]

Trying to hold it all together @tyme  and it’s the weekend now. Did what I did on Monday night and it’s all just business as usual. Is it asking too much for a little more support? Especially initially.