New to forum and grateful

[CRyan]

Hi 👋 there 

I am new to this forum and have been researching BPD after completing 2 modules of DBT at a mental health support clinic. I am recognising from the BPD description here that I really fit the categories described. I have had treatment for 20 years for anxiety driven depression, however it really resonates for me that BPD is probably more accurate. I have raised with my psychiatrist who is excellent however i feel my insight  is seen as ‘tricky’ or ‘too complex’.  I’m interested in joining conversations with those with lived experience of BPD and to thank all the brave people willing to talk about it. I would love to hear any tips for ACCEPTANCE and owning the condition, and to admit that I try DBT skills and tend to give up so hope to read stories from others of how they persist with DBT skills. Thank you 🙏

[tyme]

Awwww @CRyan ,

Thank you for your post. This is very very close to my heart because I've had BPD for pretty much 20 years. 

I know first hand of the ups and downs that come with it. The constant emotional turmoil was one of the most difficult things in my life.

Yet at this point in time, I'm in a really good place. I've learnt to not only accept the condition, but embrace it. Whilst I learnt some DBT skills, I completed just over 18 months of mentalisation based therapy, specifically for BPD. I have to say that for me, it was a combination of DBT skills, ACT, and MBT that has really helped me. Oh, and not to mention peer support.

I was often discouraged by the medical model that BPD is 'too hard' to treat, but when it turned to peer support, I felt hope.

Looking forward to connecting with you more. I couldn't help but respond even though I'm hopping off now. 

Feel free to tag me by typing "@" before my username so I get a notification e.g. @tyme 

[CRyan]

Thanks @tyme I appreciate your reply and glad to hear you are in a good place.
I am hopeful to keep well as we head into Christmas and also using DBT, therapy both CNT and ACT and mindfulness strategies.
Sometimes the therapy is overwhelming as I am a mother of 2 girls (an teen and an 11 yr old) and I have committed to 2 hours a week with a supportive therapist, and a mood group for a full day a week.
I’m grateful to hear from peers and I’m hopeful I can keep working with the therapy and try more self compassion.
Thank you for responding. I have not heard of mentalisation therapy and wonder what this involves?
Thanks for sharing

[tyme]

Totally @CRyan .

It's a lot. I hear you when you mentioned that therapy can be a lot sometimes. 

I remember that back then, I made a committment to complete the treatment program because I felt I just couldn't go on for any longer and it was my last chance. So yes, I dedicated a whole day for treatment, plus other sessions weekly. Travel to one of my programs was 3 hrs! So yes, it was a committment.

And also, being a parent for 2 children is not the easiest either!

[CRyan]

Thanks @tyme 

That’s reassuring and I take my hat off to you for doing the hard therapy yards and travelling for treatment. It’s helpful to hear of others who have helped themselves to manage their BPD.

i have been in structured programs for a few years, and done this also with inpatient care (thankful for private health cover) The mood group I go to is not really DBT but is structured and covers skills. I feel I am just in a holding pattern and treading water most of the time. I attend with good intention even when it is draining or I am not stable as I know this is the only thing that will hold me and I contribute as best I can to the group.  I work hard with my therapist, and it is helpful to have structure. Yesterday I did cold water/ice plunge for my face as I was so heightened about a fight with my teenage daughter. It helped me to be able to turn up that evening for family and to keep trying. We had a family night with friends from primary school (2 hours of nerves beforehand) and I did it so the girls could have a good night. I spoke with one mum I anm close to about BPD (she sees traits in her daughter) and I’m glad I was honest and transparent. Then our family drives home and it’s sad as I cry so regularly, depression biting and i think ‘. My poor husband and girls,’ i know I have a trigger as tomorrow is 26 years of my mum passing and I feel it deeply still, and with help have processed the trauma of this event so I can focus on her life and her as a beautiful mum rather than the trauma. I just want to better manage so my family don’t have to live being affected by this so much.. I think I am just feeling defeated by years of patterns of emotional issues and trying to change. I’m grateful to write it out and today from DBT I am choosing the skill of opposite action (I want to lie in bed but will swim) and willingness to try. Thanks for helping to share so I feel less alone in this 🙏

[tyme]

Way to go that you've been able to engage in therapy even when it's tough.

As for the ice plunge! Yikes! You're brave! I don't think I could do that lol. Yet I'm sensing it can really ground you.

Do you find parent hood quite difficult? Or do you think it's the least of your worries at the moment?

As part of therapy, I think the hardest part was group therapy, but it was also the part that yielded the most result. I felt like group was a microcosm of the real world out there and rather than avoiding uncomfortable conversation, I stayed there and learnt to sit with the unpleasantness (with help from the facilitators).

Do you do any group therapy as part of DBT? @CRyan 

[Mothlet]

Hi there! I've pretty new here too! I've been recently diagnosed with BPD (alongside some other stuff) but have been suspected to have BPD for a while prior to the official diagnosis. I have learnt some DBT skills from peer supports but not with a psychologist as of yet. So far I've really only done CBT, ERP and just my usual "I come here to rant about my week and get some comfort and then leave" and then repeat that for hundreds of sessions lol. Happy to have a chat !!

[CRyan]

Thanks @tyme @appreciate your reply

just ice plunged my face but that was enough…it’s burrrrrrr! Makes you focus on the moment and a TIP skill from DBT  

I have done two years swimming through the winter in ocean (lucky enough to live close to one) in 2023 and 2024 and that was good for depression symptoms as well. This year I’ve done a pool plunge most mornings- but yep ice bath for distress tolerance is helpful. 

I find parenting the hardest thing in terms of trying to regulate another human while being unregulated emotionally. Thankful they have a great father who is resilient and calm. 
While still to get a formal diagnosis with BPD I have my psychiatrists support that it is part of my mental health profile and personality.i was able to share the at with my 15 yr old and myself, my husband and she had a long talk this afternoon mostly about her needs, her challenges and how the family dynamic is strained due to my behaviours and challenges coping. I love my girls deeply and it’s hard to hear the truth of the impact on them. I know she doesn’t feel it’s been stable with me for a long time, and I feel heart broken facing this though I am just grateful she is able to talk about it. I have offered her more support with her regular therapist to understand this and the impact of BPD on a parent/ daughter relationship. I’m floundering to know how to support her, and wondered if there are any resources / chats you think useful?  - I guess I feel like it’s a big ‘admission’ or reality check that I am BPD but I did also visit the forum in Feb 2024 and explored resources then… probably denial after that and depression and anxiety have been the areas I have been managing, with medication, therapy and inpatient care at times too. . I just want to have an educated understanding of BPD as I think it is  helpful to tame the beast once you know what you are dealing with.

My family have had enough stress and are trying but we are quite fractured in communication and my habana and daughter firmly think I have to just focus on myself to get better management -and they are right but it’s really hard to keep looking at the many issues and trying your best and also not hyper focusing on it.  

I’m looking at a group relational recovery through a mental health hospital.
I’ve done many therapy’s and see a psychotherapist twice a week, with some CBT, ACT, somatic therapy, art therapy, and also  mood group (CBT based). I don’t think more therapy is the answer, perhaps choosing one key area that is effective. 

Yes- i know DBT is helpful for skills and did a group program- I got through the distress tolerance and interpersonal effectiveness skills and now m do weekly mood group. It is not as demanding as DBT but helpful in sharing stories and challenges and yes, a microcosm of what is around us in society. Many are long term group members so it’s good to be with a group and some insight into others challenges. I’ve committed to group for the past 2 years, and try to get there weekly. It is probably time for me to think about DBT and a program that will be more structured. 

i guess I feel stuck in the chaos at the moment- I’ve done so much therapy, try it, find I have an episode and then get disheartened. I think if I can proactive more acceptance that might be more useful. 
Thanks for asking good questions and responding. It helps me feel less alone in the BPD experience  🙏🙏

[Jynx]

@Mothlet Just a little tip, if you want other members to be notified that you've responded, you can tag them using the @ symbol, then selecting (or typing if they aren't in the drop down menu) their username so it shows up in blue, like this: @CRyan 

😉

[tyme]

Hey @CRyan ,

It sounds like you really have a lot of insight into what's happening for you and your family. Whilst you may not have all the answers, it appears you have taken the first few steps of behaviour change. The recognition, acceptance and insight are the hardest steps.

In terms of supporting your daughter you may be interested in this free 1:1 parent coaching program. These are specialists who run this program to support families with teens: https://parents.au.reachout.com/one-on-one-support