β18-03-2024 07:01 PM
β18-03-2024 07:01 PM
Oh that sounds lovely @Shaz51 ππΊπ
I had main earlier today, which was some homemade meatballs, with veggies, and some rice, cooked in a tomato and coconut base π
β18-03-2024 07:19 PM
β18-03-2024 07:19 PM
@Former-Member hey there, thank you so much for support. Thank you for company with tea and biscuit
β18-03-2024 07:38 PM
β18-03-2024 07:38 PM
No worries @Meowmy ππΊπ«π
Hope you can feel better soon πππ«
β18-03-2024 07:46 PM
β18-03-2024 07:46 PM
@Former-Member hey Pink flamingo, feeling a bit more calm. Got a fruit and some iced water. Just chilling. Have a good evening
β18-03-2024 07:58 PM
β18-03-2024 07:58 PM
Hey there @Meowmy ππΊ
That sounds really nice, Iβm glad to hear youβre feeling a bit more settled now ππ
Enjoy that lovely fruit and iced water, and Iβll catch you next time πππΊ
rest well, and have a nice evening too πΊβΊοΈ
β18-03-2024 08:51 PM
β18-03-2024 08:51 PM
β18-03-2024 10:05 PM
β18-03-2024 10:05 PM
Thanks @Thy
j really struggle to open up to anyone and still cry at the the slightest trigger regarding childhood memories! It makes it very difficult to find a safe path to converse with anyone! My health is deteriorating markedly and Iβm struggling to stay on my feet! Iβm frightened I am dying and donβt know who to turn to! I canβt get out and about as my daughter has borrowed my car but I need to write a new will! It is oh so scary to be almost trapped within a slow and disabled body that wonβt do as you want it too! I fell again last night trying to organise things to get to bed! Thought Iβd broken my wrist but only soft tissue thank goodness! Everything takes so long when youβre so slow! Nurse navigator coming tomorrow and I have to have a list ready for her so I had better go and do list or Iβll look uncooperative instead of just exhausted! Keep plugging!
My mumβs favourite saying was βeveryday above ground is a good oneβ. As a person who once had a desperate attraction to drown in mud, I donβt know whether I agree with her or not, but when the sun is shining and the birds are singing , itβs nice out there and I can be at peace in the garden that doesnβt care if Iβm slow and canβt breath well! Thereβs pluses to everything I guess- just need to search them out!
thanks again
β19-03-2024 01:07 AM
β19-03-2024 01:07 AM
I'm not sure who stuck this , "loneliness" bench in the park, but I sit and read, page after page.
@Meowmy loneliness grips the hand of shame. Your words . I could think about that for hours.
@Thyme .. "people are lonely because they don't have folks around them that understand them.
Perhaps they feel empty , because they don't understand themselves". Thats just downright profound. . .
Many years ago, I lived rough on the city streets as an autistic kid with a brain injury. I'd sit on the park bench back then too, and share whatever I found in the bins with my only friends, Pidgeon's..
We'd talk, and pretend to understand each other.
There was this one Pidgeon. A runt.. crook leg, that always hung back. I'd have to aim well to make sure the other birds didn't bully him out of some scraps.. That bird and me . . . We understood each other... No one else ever did..
We new that for critters like us, the world is not fair, the strong and cunning fatten on the weak. . . .
and now.
People tell me, I did well for myself, I have lots of people share my big house, filled with objects and sound.
But as the older man, in my dreams, I still sit at the foot of that park bench, a Pidgeon, on the fringe of the flock,
and wait for some crumbs to be thrown at me. . .
Nurse said to a doctor, one day when I was taken into a foster home, How can he be happy, with all that's wrong with him. Like I wasn't even there, He turned to her and said, We'll he simply
doesn't know any better.
Maybe that makes me the luckiest man alive.. tonys.
@Former-Member @PeppyPatti @cloudcore @Doldip15 @Oaktree @Appleblossom @Jynx .
@Tilz @Emelia8 @Healandlove and all those who bring me a little closer to understanding the human condition.
β19-03-2024 01:25 AM
β19-03-2024 01:25 AM
Hello @tonys I forgot to take my meds and woke up in a pile of sweat at midnight. Failed to turn the aircon on. I am online. Just looked around to see who was on and your name came up. Just read this lovely post about loneliness. I know how stark your reality must have been all those years ago. People see you now but they can't fathom your past! I get the same. People have rolled up on the scene saying I've led an easy life based on what they currently see and they had no idea. I've had that a lot from casual onlookers. If they only knew! I am glad you have everything you need now and are reasonably happy and contented. I think the ghosts from the past always come to haunt us though through our dreams. There were those that never walked with us through the valley of tears. Years ago I was put in an institution and was basically left to die. I lost everything and had virtually no-one so I understand what its like to be deserted by people, lost lonely and without any means to get by. I have seen some very serious things transpire and it makes me wonder why onlookers can suddenly make these ill-informed snap judgements. I wonder if they would have been there for me? I don't think so...
β19-03-2024 02:22 AM
β19-03-2024 02:22 AM
Awe, thankyou @SmilingGecko .. I wanted to tag you and all my old friends, but to this day, I still have no idea what correct tag protocol is, and this, not being my tent, well you know what I mean.
Hey. you'll have to tell me how you knew I was still up. Thought I'd stay off today and give other folks a go, but then I saw Meowmy's post and a few others. Neon's flickers to life, and the merry go round
grinds into motion.. So I hope its just the heat S G, and not the heat of conflict in your mind.. I read your posts. You did, Hard Time..
just like me. Least I had some protection from the 'oblivious disease' . You were not so lucky I feel.
You jam so much into your life. Frantically piling awkward boxes that just won't stack n keep toppling
over. All to cover crime scenes of past lives. I'm sure I got that wrong, just let me adjust my dials.
Its a strange world this thread. Over the years I have fractured into so many people and little worlds in my mind, that I think at times, it would be quite something to have one night where there is just one entity in my head that could fully feel, complete and utter loneliness.
The very thing that protects me, Beguiles me. I wish I could relieve you of your ghosts.
I'm never really sure if what I recieve from people these days is respect or friendship. I lack those sensors and default to the algorithms of the autistic.. The shape in the mirror, suggests its fear.
Savour every emotion that you feel S G... Feelings are gifts that are all to often, beyond my grasp through the bars of my cage...
I have said to you a few times. You are a beacon in the mist for me smiling gecko .
Don't ever give an inch of you hard fought ground.. Special thoughts to you , my friend. tonys.
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