first words in my head were... 'not well!'.
sigh.
flashbacks/visions/movie replays.. i tend to go into that dissociative zone with them and get lost in them which is something i was working really hard on trying to stop and control more, but then when i started dissociating less i was kind of suddenly feeling the 'full' nature of them without dissociating, or not as quick to disappear and it was terrifying and overwhelming and so i just abandoned everything for a bit, but back to trying to use strategies that help control the dissociation (i.e. focussing on the present, holding things (fidget things), making noise (crunching things, snapping crackers...) to ground myself in the present, throwing a ball in the air and catching it. even if i dont catch myself before i disappear into a memory i tend to throw it off more completely if i make myself move sooner... after.
Avoiding the actual flashbacks themselves is harder and i have been spending a lot of energy fighting fighting fighting to push things away (which i know is probably a futile effort as pushing it away seems to have it diggging its heels in and pushing back).
Ive tried (repeatedly/failed repeatedly) at trying to deal with some of this stuff with my psychologist and think she's kind of given up on that side of things and wants to work on building some self esteem now.
not surei f this will be helpful or not @outlander
lj
